White smoke appears from Sistine Chapel chimney, indicating a new pope has been elected

Trump taxing the Church? That's a funny thought.

100% tariff on indulgences.

“I declare a 100% tariff on all absolutions coming from the Vatican…”

Doesn't even need tariffs. Could just take away their tax exemption.

Most credible NY Post reporting.

Haven't you heard? The cardinals are raw dogging it in there.

https://nypost.com/2025/05/07/world-news/cbs-anchor-bizarrely-says-cardinals-are-raw-dogging-the-conclave-on-live-tv/

Downvotes for that?

Must have been some triggered pre-finger-blasted altered boys.

I believe that's more of a Dalai Lama thing.

I'd say most of them are protestants, but there's been a trend of a certain type of far-right "RETVRN TO TRADITION" wingnuts converting and becoming hardline tradcaths in the last decade or so. Those people absolutely *would* seethe over a black pope.

Even bigger spoiler: he gets better.





Snape kills Dumbledore

If someone drops into St. Peter's Square with a parachute, I win $3,000.

Those white power redneck types are all protestants (baptists, or some other evangelical wingnut strain) and most of them have a vehement anti-Catholic streak. A black pope would just confirm to them whatever-the-hell conspiracy shit they already believe about the Catholic church, so it'd more or less just be spitting on a forest fire anyways.

Not that the Vatican shouldn't do it anyway, though.

I loved the twist ending in Conclave.

Please, do not reply with spoilers.

EDIT: I did this to myself.

Nazis and KKK members already hate Catholics.

I was really hoping for turkson

Pope Trump would be more likely

They love their ancient traditions, some of which significantly predate Christianity.

I hope your effort takes off and I see this image on the news one day.

Same

Edit: I became the change I wanted to see in the world

!I became the change I wanted to see in the world

I really wanted to but I'm on mobile.

Should have photoshopped on the hat

This is my favorite comment on this thread

Pizza the Pope


But you do have to pronounce it in Italian so it’ll probably be Papa Pizzaballahs.

Poopoopeepeepizzaballs

As far as I'm aware there is no rule he can't pick his own name as his pope name, should he want to be cool.

Pope Pizzaballs

Time to deliver a pizza ball!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxOkeLQohC0

I know its pronounced Pizzaballa, but in my head it’s Pizza (techno air horns) BAWWWWWLAH!

Is that an official campaign poster?

I legitimately thought they were joking when they mentioned the name on TV just now.

In Italian or Latin, it would be “Papa Pizzaballa”.

Myope co-pope use scope and spot new pope mope, cope with dope, and elope.

So is the end of your rope a nope to the co-co-dope cope pope hope?

I’d offer help to cope but I’m at the end of my rope.

And if he practiced boxing at some point, he should know how to “rope a dope”.

We can only hope.

If they pick a dope, you’ll need to help the dope pope cope as a co-pope.

I hope to be co-Pope to help the Pope cope.

I can confirm this is true. Word is they're pretty disappointed.

Too many cults to keep track of, they are all brainrot

Sunni day, pushin’ the clouds away…. o/~

Who's their leader?

The world's largest religious denomination is Sunni Islam with 22.39% of the world's population (as of 2020). Catholic Christianity comes in a distant second with 15.88%.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_denomination

I don't care for Christianity, but god I'd love it to see a black pope emerge, just to see the White Power writhes and scream.

I just learned that there is a Cardinal Pizzaballa from Italy that is on the short list of expected potential popes. On name alone, I hope he wins. I know he won't be called Pope Pizzaballa, but in my heart that is what he'd be known as, spoken in the most Super Mario type accent imaginable

Edit: Sorry, not sorry, I couldn't help myself, you who are now perusing this thread have to see it as well


This is going to be a tough conversation when they call. The farm takes up most of my day and at night I like a cup of tea, I might not be able to devote myself full time to being Pope.

Edit: that was easier than I thought it would be. They called and I told them straight up I didn't have time to be pope. They said they figured I would turn them down so they had a guy from Chicago as a back up.

Yeah! The world's largest cult has a new guru!


What tariffs will Trump declare when he finds out it's not him??

Is this like Publisher's Clearing House? Will people show up at my door with balloons and big novelty hat to tell me I won?

A new head pedofile has been chosen.

That seems relatively fast but I honestly can't be assed to research Catholic bureaucratic history.

They're marketing the movie a year late. Smh.

https://youtu.be/cAvXnBgJMdM

No no. Just means they require a new set of alter boys.

Edit: they picked the guy that didn’t do anything about abuse claims. Classic

You know they used ChatGPT to pick this new dude.